Milk for Zoe the Beginning!

As you know Zoe is our third little one. With my oldest, Charlie, I was 20 when he was born. I was a baby and the whole idea of dieing to self had not even crossed my mind. I knew we were not rich so I thought I would give the whole breastfeeding thing a whirl. Well, it lasted 2 days until it started to hurt and I was done. Seriously, done. Five years later, I tried to breastfeed Maddy but she didn't want to and I still wasn't there yet. FIVE MORE YEARS LATER...Zoe.

I had to give this nursing business one more shot it was the last I would have. I determined not to give up. Dave was very on board and wanted to help me. We were going to do this together.

From the previous post...http://milkforzoe.blogspot.com/2009/02/little-yellow-zoe.html, you will note that Zoe was very jaundiced and underweight when we came home from the hospital. I was supplementing and trying to get her to latch on desperately trying to get her to latch on and do it right.

A word about breastfeeding: It hurts. And when lactation consultants tell you it shouldn't...they are wrong because it does. At least it did for me. It was painful. It made me cry, cringe, grit my teeth and hang on for dear life every time it was time for Zoe to eat. I would hang my head while she was latching on and stamp my foot and cry or pray that the Lord would take this pain away. All the while I had to relax to let my milk down. I didn't want to give up. I wanted God to have this glory. Not that if you don't breastfeed you are wrong, it's that I wanted to prove to me, God, my children and my husband that I could do all things through Christ. Like this and our labor experience (see http://milkforzoe.blogspot.com/2009/01/are-you-kidding-me.html) God held my hand and strengthened me and grew me more than I could have possibly imagined.

After a month (AN ENTIRE MONTH) it stopped hurting. It really did. And we would have wonderful moments together and it was good. I still look down at her while we are nursing and wish that we didn't have to stop and that she didn't have to grow up. It gives me time to relax and be with her. It enables me to pray for her. I pray that she will grow up to be a mighty woman of God and that her life will be full of His peace and understanding. Sisters, this is what it is all about. Loving our children in the moment, the way they need to be loved. This is what I have learned.

Philippians 4:13 (Today's New International Version)
13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Little Yellow Zoe!

Our time in the hospital was pretty quick. We hadn't quite got the hang of nursing and Zoe was yellow with Jaundice but the pediatrician was willing to let us go provided with check in with our pediatrician the following day.

We escorted our new baby home. Immediately I knew that nursing this baby was going to be hard. But, being I did not nurse the other two, I was determined to experience this with our last baby. She had been given formula at the hospital the first night because I had to recover from getting my tubes tied. I think that is probably why we had a hard time ramping up and my milk was sloooow to come in. Nevertheless, we were going to do it anyways.

The next morning we took Zoe to the Dr. for a check up and some testing for Jaundice. She had lost weight and even the whites of her eyes were yellow. We tested her and went home to wait on the results. They came back high, or at least higher than what she was in the hospital.

Over the next 4 days we went back and forth to the hospital getting her tested and weighed. In the meantime I was trying to get her to nurse and supplement with formula at the same time. Finally on the fourth day, the Dr. called and said "I am going to wait on these last results but if they are not the same or if they are higher we will put Zoe back in the hospital."

Side Note: Our normal pediatrician had been out of town. The Dr. on call was a sweet sweet lady. She was/is a believer and told me she took the names of her patients home with her to pray for them. Oh how this touched my heart.

Well after receiving the phone call from our pediatrician I immediately went to Zoe, took off her little onesie and laid my hands on her. I told our saviour that she was His and that if he would, please heal her from this. I asked Him to help me take care of her. (I'm just crying remembering this tender moment) Not two minutes after my prayer the Dr. called to say that her levels were fine and that we can expect them to start going down more rapidly.

Oh man, how I was relieved, grateful and just in awe of the gift I was given to watch my little one healed by her creator.

Psalm 127:3 (The Message)
Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior's fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! Your enemies don't stand a chance against you; you'll sweep them right off your doorstep.

Are you kidding me?

Up until Zoe both of my two kiddos were very late and big babies. Well Maddy was big. She was almost 10 lbs. She was a shock and I was induced about a week after my due date. The picture above? That was the night before Zoe was born. It was a few days before my due date but my doctor didn't induce over the weekend and well, I didn't want another 10 lb baby. Another interesting tid-bit about my prior two labors was I had an epidural with both of them, no problem, despite the fact of having Harrington rods in my back.

So our story begins. I was admitted the night before to do a procedure to that would dialate my cervix. It took all night but at 4am i was dialated enough to start on pitocin. Which starts contractions and then labor starts. The anesthesiologist was busy that morning in a c-section. So, the nurse said I would have to just wait a little while for an epidural. My dad and Dave stayed with me and held my hand through contractions that were pretty intense because of the pitocin. A couple of weeks before I had had a conversation with a sister in law, who has given birth at home, about natural childbirth. She said it wasn't a huge deal you just can't be scared of contractions. So with this great advice I knew that I had to be in control and not be scared. However, my husband's favorite phrase of the day was "Are you kidding me?!". I just couldn't believe I was having to go through this. But, I knew I wasn't alone and that God was not surprised by my situation.

I labored along for quite a while. Then the anesthesiologist came in and attempted to give me an epidural. He tried everything and it just would not take. So, we decided that since I was dialated to an 8 at that time (10 being the most you can dialate) that we would just not keep trying.

Zoe was born at noon that day. And I was left with a since of accomplishment that I had never felt before. I was strong. I was able to give birth without drugs and God had prepared me before without me even knowing about it.

This wasn't the end of God working in me. (He still is!) But what I learned from that and what happened next was that we are made for work. We are made for hard work! We can do things that we didn't think we could do before.

Ps. 139: 13-16 (The Message)

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

Preface - Pt. 2

Water for Zoe

So we were officially pregnant and things were going great. No problems, no baggage and no out of control emotions (for the most part...but you may want to talk to Dave about that). My OB was a young doctor and very sweet. She was a well meaning person. But, she wasn't the best doctor I ever had. Since I had two children under my belt I thought, what could go wrong? I just have to make it through with her until the baby was born then we were free of a well meaning not so great doctor.

About 8 months the Dr. was doing an in office sonogram to measure the baby (since my last had been 9 lbs!) and to check the fluid. The sonogram she did in office showed that the amniotic fluid surrounding the baby was low. She referred me to a specialist, told me to go home to bed and drink a lot of water. She also told me to pack a bag because if my fluid was as low as she thought it was then the specialist would admit me to the hospital. I can't tell you how scared I felt and how hard that day was. I knew Zoe wasn't ready to be born and I knew I wasn't ready for her just yet. One thing I did know was that the Lord was her keeper not just mine.

The morning of my doctor's appointment one of my very good friends called me saying "this may sound weird but God told me to call you and read you this verse" it was:

Psalm 77:16-19 (New International Version)
16 The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen

She said "God is going to send you water". I cried and she cried and we prayed. I left and went into the doctor and while I was having the sonogram, he just looked at me and said "Well, you have plenty of fluid and there is nothing at all to worry about". I believe God changed that situation and delivered us from having to be hospitalized or Zoe having to be born earlier.

I also know it was nothing we did to cause my fluid to suddenly go back up, it was God He decided, He wanted me to see how He was in control. That He can make things happen or not happen. I also know that had I not had a good report God was still in control and not surprised by our circumstances. He is the God of this world and He is in control.

Preface - Pt.1

Our Family Beginning




Married to Dave at 19; the love of my life we had our first baby, Charlie, July 7, 1997 the first year we were married. The pregnancy was difficult because I was a bundle of nerves and every pain and every emotion was huge. I also carried baggage of guilt from a formerly wild life style and my view of God and who He was was very skewed. I actually thought God would take away something I wanted so much. Boy what a dark time as I reflect on it.

We set the record for the most visits to labor and delivery. I thought that two good things could not happen to me in the same year more or less the same lifetime. But it did and we had a healthy beautiful baby boy. I wish I could say at that time I was turned to God and was able to say my life changed then for the better but it was a much slower process than that. However Charlie was the beginning of seeing myself the way God sees me. (I will save my testimony of coming to the Lord for another post.)

Five years later we had a sweet and lovely baby girl, Maddy (Madeline). Her pregnancy was not as eventful, and she was a precious addition to our family. Full of life and energy, she has been a light in our family.

Five MORE years later...we didn't think we would have anymore children. Not that we didn't want more, we just thought that two was good for us and we had not really considered a third baby. But, you know the old saying "We make plans and God laughs at them". Well, I think God had a good chuckle the day I decided to take a pregnancy test on a whim. I hadn't been feeling quite right, mostly I had been having sciatic nerve pain and I do not get that unless I'm pregnant. To say the least the test was a positive and we couldn't have been more shocked and happier.

Jeremiah 29:11 (The Message)
10-11This is God's Word on the subject: "As soon as Babylon's seventy years are up and not a day before, I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Introduction

My name is Vanessa. I have been a believer for 9 years and have 3 children. The purpose of this blog is to chronicle my experience having my third child and how it has changed my life and my perspective forever.

The Lord is good and faithful to teach us. He knew that I needed to grow and knew exactly how to do it. The journey has been hard in some ways, easier in others but I'm a different person.

God wanted me to start to pull away from being hand held through my Christianity experience and stop depending on being led for every little thing. Please check back for posts about my journey and how I have become absolutely in love with my saviour.

Hebrews 5:11[ Re-Crucifying Jesus ] I have a lot more to say about this, but it is hard to get it across to you since you've picked up this bad habit of not listening. By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one—baby's milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago! Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God's ways; solid food is for the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong.